Happy Birthday, Agatha Christie

For those who are not aware, the premise of And Then There Were None is simple. Ten people are on an island, each having received an invitation they couldn’t possibly refuse. Their host, U. N. Owen, is expected a day or so after their arrival, so they bunk up in the lovely house on Soldier Island; each person finds a framed rendition of the Ten Little Niggers Indians Soldiers nursery rhyme in their room and a sculpture of ten figures as a centrepiece in the dining room. The evening of their arrival, a recording plays addressing each of the guests directly and accusing them of murder:

Anthony Marston, a Vile Body boozing and snorting his way through Daddy’s money, is charged with killing two children while driving recklessly; Mr and Mrs Rogers, the butler and housekeeper, of allowing the death of their former employer to unspecified wasting illness; General Macarthur, the crusty old moustachioed WWI veteran, of knowingly sending another officer on a mission which virtually guaranteed his death; Mrs Brent, a pious spinster, of driving her maid to suicide by turning her out when she became pregnant out of wedlock; Justice Wargrave, a no-nonsense hanging judge, of sending a man to the gallows on weak evidence; Dr Armstrong, a highly-strung physician, of operating on a patient while drunk thereby causing her death; Inspector Blore, former shady policeman with trustworthy facial hair, of knowingly sending a frail (and innocent) young man to prison wherein he shortly died; Captain Lombard, grumpy sexy mercenary, of abandoning an African tribe to starvation; and Vera Claythorne, a former governess and other designated eye candy of the cast, of allowing her charge to drown.

Please note that all physical descriptions pertain to the BBC adaptation portrayals; I cannot speak for any moustaches and/or sexiness in the book or other adaptations. Except in the case of Vera Claythorne, who is always designated eye candy.

With emotions running high, our rag-tag bunch of humans are picked off one by one according to the Ten Little Soldiers nursery rhyme, and each time one is offed, one of the figures in the dining room is also removed. When someone finally decides to check in on the island, they are forced to alert the authorities that there are ten bodies on the island and no, nobody else went to the island other than me when I dropped them off very much alive. Police are stumped until the moment of the denouement, which takes place in the form of a confessional letter found by a fishing boat and delivered to Scotland Yard, which details the whole plot.

The BBC adaptation was made in commemoration of Agatha Christie’s birth 125 years ago, and And Then There Were None was a very fitting choice for such an occasion, what with it being considered something of an urtext of murder-mystery tropes, Christie herself thought it one of her greatest feats of craftsmanship, and of course it doesn’t feature sleuth characters upon whom ITV have dibs. It’s perfect really. I have spent some time doing thorough research, i.e. reading the wikipedia and tvtropes entries; what I have not done of course is read the book itself, despite it now being public domain and being available here. Apologies, I’m still on Jane Eyre (which my mother wants back).

I have touched upon my love of ITV’s Poirot and Marple adaptations, so I was struggling with a distinct lack of colourful flapper fashion and charlestonning. My thought process was along the lines of “I know the basic story of this one is a group of people trapped on an island all suddenly forced to confront old despicable crimes they have desperately attempted to bury deep while they are picked off in gruesome fashion by an unseen menace as they are tortured by both their past horrors and their current peril and isolation causing them to unravel and lose themselves to fear, suspicion and crushing guilt… but does it have so be so dark?” I don’t know what it says about me as a person that I gravitate more to the fare that portrays similarly coldly calculated murder but does so with brighter colours, more cocktails and jazz blaring joyfully from a gramophone.

Much as I suspected, a spool through of my Thorough Research indicates that the BBC adaptation is bloodier and sexier than the book. Much of this can be put down to the medium — for example, the Rogerses, rather than simply withholding their victim’s medication, opted instead for a much less visually ambiguous smothering with a pillow. General Macarthur straight up shot his victim in the back of the head in his own office (I’m sure there were zero awkward questions), and Blore’s crime was rather more face-stampy than its literary counterpart. Then of course there’s the guilt-roasted nightmare sequences, particularly Dr. Armstrong’s, as he relives how he operated unsuccessfully on that woman who seems to have fallen into a vat of jam. Oh, and Lombard and Claythorne fuck in very unambiguous fashion.

The death that confused me slightly was the third from last. The line in the poem is “Three little soldier boys went to the zoo, One got hugged by a bear, and then there were two”, and logistically it just isn’t possible to transport a bear and then convince him to cooperate in your meticulously planned, incredibly convoluted plot to murder ten people, so this one has always been a little more abstract. In the book, the deed is accomplished with a bear-themed clock used in a straightforward bludgeoning fashion. In this adaptation, the killer just stabs the victim while wearing a bear-skin rug, which he then artfully drapes over the corpse. This, I’m afraid, was quite hilarious, as in my brain the bear was saying “Can’t you see I’m trying to tell you I love you?”.

There were also a couple of tantalising glimpses of Bright Young Things hijinks that I love the ITV productions for, and in this story they are swiftly and cruelly subverted. The first is the beautiful air-headed fop casually sniffing cocaine between lines; he is scooped up as victim no. 1 just as he’s getting into the groove of a rant about how irritating it was that he ran over those two children because he lost his license when suddenly, and probably to the relief of everyone in the room, he suffers a violent choking death, which they later ascertain to be a bad amaretto- (or cyanide-)based cocktail. The second being when the guests at Soldier Island have been reduced to less than half their starting number and, rather than sit in silence for another whole evening, they decide to have a substance-fuelled uproarious party. There is indeed much laughing and dancing, but it is of course horrifically manic and desperate, does nothing to detract from their current situation, and is dominated by the doctor suddenly delivering a very graphic and rambling account of his time in service during World War I liberated as he was by the pillars of cocaine lodged up each nostril.

Of significance regarding this adaptation is that, unlike many others, it uses the original ending, barring the absence of the detective Sirs Not-Appearing-In-This-Version-Either, the original recipients of the denouement confession note. Christie adapted the book into a stage play, during which she realised that the ending AND THEY ALL DIED. THE END. wasn’t satisfying for theatre and instead rewrote the ending to have one character realise it was her boyfriend who committed the crime of which she was accused all along and the other that he’s been faking his identity this whole time so he’s innocent too, and they flounce off to get married while the killer concedes the point and sheepishly goes off to fake his own death again. Instead, Vera Claythorne, having shot Lombard in what she believes to be self defence, makes her way back to the house to hang herself from Chekhov’s ceiling hook, which rather obligingly has a noose dangling from it now. Assisted by this mystery convenience and the hallucinations of the child she allowed to drown, she stands on the chair (also provided) and slips on the noose. She is in the process of kicking the chair out from under herself when Judge Wargrave makes an appearance without any unsightly bullet holes in his head and reveals that it was him all along even though he died yesterday. He’s got an impending painful cancer death on the way, and he instead decides that a more noble death is to succumb to his supreme justice hard-on and stage an elaborate murder-suicide plot, selecting his victims from people he knew had committed murder but were beyond the reach of the unwieldy arm of the law. Presumably the advantages of going with the Ten Little Soldiers framework — namely making the group aware that there is most definitely a cat-and-mouse game afoot and keeping them perversely, perpetually reminded that any one of them could be next — must outweigh the inconvenience of having to come up with bear- or bee-themed deaths. He doesn’t really elaborate on that bit..

I prefer the aforementioned Poirot and Marple series for their lighter tone, but those stories are cathartic and optimistic by nature. There are survivors who are each shown to move on to new chapters in their life, able to put the past behind them, and the titular sleuths are shown as being instrumental in bringing them that sympathy, closure and understanding. Of course that is not the case with And Then There Were None, and what the BBC adaptation did was perfectly apt and striking, capturing the unrelenting bleakness of the situation beautifully. If you haven’t seen it, do pay a visit to BBC iPlayer and check it out. Of course I look forward to availing myself of the public-domain book and continuing to be that terrible person who always squawks “BUT THAT’S NOT IN THE BOOK!”.

New Year’s Sherlock

So it is with rather a heavy heart that I’ve come to the conclusion that I just plain don’t like the BBC’s Sherlock. Please be advised that there may be spoilers.

Which is a shame, and I would wager also costs me some serious nerd cred. And honestly, it’s beautifully shot, the dialogue is witty and engaging, and our eminent messieurs Humberto Cabbagepatch and Bilbo Baggins are wonderful in the lead roles. And they’re based on the Sherlock Holmes stories! Those are such fun! What could possibly go wrong? I mean, the current trend in film and television for epic scale couldn’t seep in resulting in a fun little murder mystery plot becoming an over-wrought, convoluted Tom Clancy-esque thriller determined always to out-do and out-clever those boring little murder mysteries, constantly blindsiding the audience with twists and stake-upping to the point where there is no point trying to keep track of what’s going on and Mycroft Holmes is some kind hybrid of MI5 handler and Illuminati…

If you think that’s an unfair assessment, you may well be right. I have not watched the series avidly. I enjoyed the first episode very much — a tight, intriguing murder plot to be solved at a satisfying pace with only a token mention of Moriarty at the very end — but my interest dwindled after that. Probably had something to do with the incredibly dumb Chinese assassin ring episode (they were called the Black Lotus and they left a black origami lotus at each of their crime scenes. I couldn’t help imagining that when you start your career as an assassin at the mob, you spend your internship making origami company logos to be distributed at crime scenes). Whenever I chose to once again try wetting my toes, I was left cold with the sheer scale of events and the exhausting cleverness of it all. So I was excited when I saw the Victorian costumes in the promo material for the most recent episode. I didn’t investigate too thoroughly, content as I was with Watson’s amazing ‘tache, so, in my wishful thinking, I thought the change of setting would be a reboot and permanent; I hoped it would herald a scaling back of the plots to murder mystery rather than conspiracy thriller, a return to straightforward adaptations of the Sherlock Holmes stories. At the very least, I hoped it would result in a reduction in the amount of time characters spent checking their smartphones.

No such luck. The Victorian setting is actually just a stoner freak-out sequence (or was it?), wherein the culprit in the mystery was actually a mystical sect of Suffragettes constructing and taking advantage of an urban myth to try and scare rubbish men into treating them better or they’ll get murdered, which is thematically linked to the over-arching plot of the modern setting, namely that Moriarty isn’t actually dead, despite some fairly compelling evidence to the contrary. Because of course he isn’t. Much like the Batman franchise’s Joker, of course they won’t kill him. Because how else do we have an interesting and compelling villain?

Obviously there is a lot to like in Sherlock, even the fact that they have tried to expand on the source material and do something different. In this case, I’d have been okay with them not doing that. There is a distinct possibility that I am being incredibly boring, but what I really wanted from the start was an adaptation of the Sherlock Holmes stories. Murder mysteries I like, political thrillers not so much. Of course this is not a failure of execution on the part of the team behind Sherlock; this is what they set out to do. They know what they want and how to accomplish it, and I can even see worth in the end product. Unfortunately for me, I cannot care for the end product. I wanted the ‘Batch to be our generation’s entry into the gallery of fascinating sociopaths, for him to be pitted amongst the ranks of Basil Rathbone, Jeremy Brett and Rupert Everett, where I believe he absolutely holds his own.

I shall continue to rely on ITV for all my murder mystery itches; after all, I do possess the Poirot box set. I have a slightly troubling but nonetheless shameless fascination with the denouement-in-the-accusing-parlour format. And of course the BBC has Death in Paradise, which follows the denouement structure. Due to the setting, it tends to be a denouement in the accusing pool-side bar.

Speaking of Agatha Christie, the BBC has produced an adaptation of And Then There Were None, first published in 1939 under a title that has not aged well. I caught the third part, but not the first two. I shall soon rectify this.

In other news

Many things have happened because much time has elapsed. For one thing, I am now older (this means I am now affected by hangovers in a way I haven’t been before. Most irritating). I also saw a film in which flamboyant Dominic West wins over a conservative homophobic community with the power of dance and it was glorious.
In other news I am waiting on baited breath for Dragon Age: Inquisition and I have started a new job. In which capacity I have drawn three velociraptors and made attempts to be able to copy Emma Darwin’s handwriting this week. Some kindly folk have seen fit to provide facsimiles of the Darwins’ writings and I had a trawl through Mrs Darwin’s recipe book because Charles Darwin was allegedly a bit of a custard fiend and I wanted to see if this was reflected in her recipes (it is).

Board games

I’ve been playing a lot of board games lately, mainly because I’ve been going to a board game meetup, and because my friends are strange. One friend, who has just spent most of this weekend just gone beating all of his guests at Catan, insists that playing board games regularly is very good for humanity and he’s surprised more people don’t do it. I confess one of the reasons I love Christmas is that it’s a good excuse to play board games with my family and it’s one of my favourite parts of the day. Being soundly thrashed at Catan several times, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is an important part of one’s education realising that however nice one’s friends are, one’s social circle is almost certainly a vicious snake pit of wanton opportunism and ruthlessness.

I agree with friend’s assessment that Catan is like Risk and Monopoly combined, but not totally rubbish like that actually sounds. The game I’ve grown very very fond of indeed is Betrayal At House On Hill, which is like Cabin in the Woods as a board game. Players bumble around a haunted house, exploring and encountering horror clichés, and initiating a haunting. There’s around fifty haunting scenarios, depending on how the haunting is triggered. It’s a lot of fun and I highly recommend it.

Catan also involved much coiffing of wine, and I suffered for it the next day despite taking my usual precautions (aka drinking some pints of water before sleep). I did turn 26 recently, so I am old. I just wasn’t expecting to kick in so soon. And so thoroughly. That was a terrible headache.

Now in love with Kate Bush. She’s so cool and lovely and amazing and i love and wonderful and wah qpoeihobfjknvoesubjt4ew

I recently went to visit my parents down in Devon, and while there my mother introduced me to Kate Bush, through conveniently placed documentaries then available on BBC iPlayer examining her career.
The first I heard of Kate Bush was the film The Golden Compass, which was an incredible film. Specifically what I mean by incredible is how it managed to be so dreary despite the astounding talent behind it. “Argle bargle wargle we’ve got Kristin Scott Thomas and we’re going to make her voice over a CGI animal and she’s only going to have about two lines! That’s good utilisation of Kristin Scott Thomas! Hand me more cake!” Having watched incredible actors navigate their way through a sea of terrible CGI animals and a plot very much the toothless version of the book’s, then a lady with a most singular voice appeared and reiterated the plot of the His Dark Materials trilogy in song, a song like nothing I had ever heard before.
Perhaps should not have been altogether surprised that her first hit was reiterating the plot of a book in song, a song like nothing anyone had ever head before.
I am very much in love with Kate Bush. She is so wonderful and cool and awesome that she can just saunter up to the music scene and do her own thing and it’s as wonderful and cool and awesome and richly detailed as she is.
One of the clips in the documentary was from Newsnight Review, and, like virtually every clip I see of Newsnight Review, featured some Newsnight Review twat, who reminded me very much why I don’t watch Newsnight Review ever and swiftly quashed any misguided notion of me seeking personal enrichment by doing so, saying of Kate Bush’s latest album (at that time) that “there [was] still a touch of the ‘we are not worthy'”, or something along those lines. I think if you look at Kate Bush and see someone trying to intimidate or laud over or alienate people, I’m not sure what can be done with you. I think it is a fair criticism of self-described ‘high art’ that it seeks to be difficult to access, perhaps even to alienate and intimidate; fair enough for those who create art to be exclusive, to intentionally exclude — I wouldn’t dream of telling them what to do but for my part I do not like to be alienated, nor do I like alienating people, so it is not something in which I can comfortably partake. This is not what I see when I look at Kate Bush. I see someone who loves a great many things and is inspired by them, and has the talent to create wonderful music that absolutely reflects that. In fact Wuthering Heights is pretty much “Hey guys, I saw Wuthering Heights on the telly and then I read the book and I saw a load of other adaptations of Wuthering Heights and it’s just so wonderful and there’s these beautiful moments and I love it so much and I snuggle the book every night and oh hey look! I wrote a song about it too! 😀 Heeeathcli-iff!”
I think my favourite song is Experiment IV. It is so, so cool, and I think it’s very deep, without ramming it down your throat. You don’t have to think about the implications of the power of music or of any other deeper aesthetic meaning… but I did anyway. Because it’s still a cool song. And below, the video banned from broadcast by the BBC for being too violent. It’s true there’s nothing really explicit but if I had seen it as a small child I would definitely not have slept for a few nights at least. So be warned. It is brilliant, for I have a little soft spot for B-horror, and so, clearly, does Kate Bush.

Happy films!

Saw Guardians of the Galaxy this week, which was jolly good fun and featured judicious use of both ’80s hits and, as in The Iron Giant, Vin Diesel. The Marvel films are usually a breath of fresh air for me; perhaps it is wimpy of me, but, for something I do in my leisure time, I prefer something light-hearted. I went to see Under the Skin, which was incredible, when it came out, knowing only that it was a sci-fi and featured Scarlett Johansson naked. That is not a light-hearted film. Although there was this one scene where you see what happens when the men who follow Scarlett Johansson stripping into the black goo when they sink into the black goo and it reminded me of this Monty Python sketch.

One of my pet hates is Man of Steel, because from the go I was very cynical about a Super Man reboot with the tone of the Dark Knight films — even when I watched the Justice League cartoon, which I really like, Batman and Super Man together in the same story, in the same world was just ridiculous to me. For this reason I assumed that the Amazing Spider-Man films were a bit of an apology for Man of Steel. There were two quite sweet little moments — along with the ‘HI THERE TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT ANTHROPOMORPHIC SUPER-POWERED LIZARDS’ scene — from the first one that I really liked:

  1. Peter Parker leaving his camera at the scene of a botched reconnaissance trip, leading Lizard guy discovering his secret identity, wherein he growls, “Peter Parker…”, but the scene cuts before he can say, “… your label maker spells DOOM!”. They also didn’t show his resultant dramatic and I’m sure highly dignified entrance into Peter Parker’s school via toilet.

  2. Evil lizard vlog scene. Many character arcs in the Amazing Spider-Man films culminate with a vlog, which is bloody modern. This one is particularly brilliant because as he is saying lots of troubling power-hungry insane things, in the background is a conical flask containing green liquid bobbing away on a turntable type thing to stop it coagulating. It was very distracting. I’m sure they put it in to show HE A SCIENTIST, but it was bobbing away just over his shoulder, the rest of the frame was sort of drab grey-ish colours, and this was a bright green bottle bouncing about in the background. It wasn’t even a scary swamp-monster green, it was a lovely apple green.

I’m slightly cross I missed Groundhog Day: SKREEEEEE, starring Tom Cruise as Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt as Commander Shepard.

You are at the end of cake.

In the end I didn’t finish Dracula. I got distracted by the arrival of most of the Watch books of Discworld in the post. My dad and @ohnomoogle have always loved the Discworld books; I think we got The Fifth Elephant for Papa because it had elephant in the title and that’s of paramount importance when you’re little. Then they were amazing. Having now read them as a grown-up with a fully functioning brain (mostly), I remember now that @ohnomoogle used to read them out to me while I was playing Soul Calibur. I’ve nearly run out of Watch books, so then I’ll get back to Dracula. After Turn of the Screw by the man with two first names.

I also got distracted by the SCP archive. I was curious about the game SCP-087-B and a quick google search took me to the SCP archive, a collection of short stories presented as case files from a fictional organisation responsible for capturing and retaining strange, possibly dangerous, objects. There are currently over a thousand, and there’s some real gems of short stories in there; they’re very Lovecraftian. The game is based on SCP 087; I think there could be a really amazing game from SCP 093. I was stupid enough — as a person who, even when it’s swelteringly hot and I cannot bloody sleep it’s so hot, must have a bit of duvet on me ‘cos… you know… MONSTERS — one about a shadowy hand that appears at the foot of the bed when someone goes into REM sleep if there is any foot and/or leg exposed and… well… I shouldn’t have clicked on it. Neither should you.

Count Classics

In my epic schemes for self-betterment, I have been trying to read lots of classic literature. Sometimes this go badly (cough Hardy cough), but it’s going rather well. Surprisingly well in fact.

I was quite anxious about reading Dracula because it has been so, so influential. I thought the clichés were going to be distracting, even though they weren’t clichés at the time. There was a very frustrating period lasting about one-hundred-and-fifty pages of ‘this lady is all weak and lethargic as though she has lost a lot of blood but there are no wounds on her body save for these mysterious teeth-sized puncture marks on her throat WHAT COULD IT BE’, wherein I was screaming ITS A VAMPIRE MAKE ME A DOCTOR IM READY, but other than that it has been highly unputdownable.

The other slightly distracting thing — also not the book’s fault — is I did not realise the name Van Helsing was taken from this book. I know. Silly. I have seen a film called Van Helsing, and while watching it I played a drinking game with my friends where we took a shot every time someone fell through a window. So when the doctor wrote to his friend to say he had contacted his mentor Dr Van Helsing to come figure out what was happening with weak lethargic lady I was thinking HOW’S HE GOING TO HELP HE’S JUST GOING TO BREAK ALL HER FURNITURE. The character is quite stern and stoic and scholarly, and not once has he entered a room by crashing in through the window presumably to the general bewilderment of all inside one of whom will drily inform him “The door is open”. It’s very distracting. But as @ohnomoogle pointed out, the name Van Helsing and vampire hunting are all the backstory necessary; cast Hugh Jackman and blow everything up.

I am now in the third act. Things are rather moving along. And all the characters, some of whom have only just met, all love each other. It reminds me of Gavin and Stacey, which is something I love, and the main reason I love it is because the characters are all nice people who have been forced together and are determined to get along, and there’s something heart-warming about that.

In other news, I have had a shuffle around with the 365 doodle gallery. And of course now I have done that it is plainly obvious I am horridly behind.

MAs and Gays!

Having sunk into the gloomy mires of applying for MAs, I have completed my first and by far most stressful audition, and have emerged rather bewildered and miserable and my thighs hurt for some reason. And I now have caught up with the 365 doodle, and when I work out how to do overlays the page will be much better made!

I travelled to beautiful London (it was a very pleasant spring day so that is not sarcasm. From me it normally would be) and stayed with my mother’s old school friend who lives in Merton. Then I travelled to the Barbican and arrived in plenty of time for audition, which was over within the hour. Then I headed back to Paddington to trudge back home, via train, long wait at train station, another train, mile walk to my car because I’m a cheapskate and then the drive home. It was a rather intense twenty-four hours, of which less than one was spent in the focal point of hand-wringing and hair-pulling and weeping, while around ten was spent in travel. Perhaps that’s why the details of the audition so soon became somewhat hazy to me, even before I’d reached Paddington. Much like lost time when one is abducted by aliens: between one and two of Monday afternoon, I was in an audition OR I was on an alien spaceship.

In the midst of all this excitement I managed to watch Christian Jessen’s documentary Undercover Doctor: Cure Me, I’m Gay. I was rather expecting an easy judgemental hour, not unlike the Jeremy Kyle Show. It was much more horrifying than I’d expected. I suppose I’d always thought the phrase “gay cure” was amusing and slightly cute, so I hadn’t really thought about the hate and the guilt and the shame that goes into medicalising sexuality and deciding it can and should be corrected. One of the “therapists” asserts that homosexuality is caused by trauma, which can include sexual abuse by an older man and he mentions in passing that “this was the case for [him]”. I felt incredibly sorry for him — what a horrifying placid pleasant can-do attitude stretched over a gruesome mangle of anger and shame. Again, I was not expecting this, but I suppose most of these people are fear and guilt with shiny white smiles on top, leading very tragic and angry existences. Not unlike the people for whom a woman posting selfies is cause for teeth-splitting rage.

I do rather like that quote, which I hope by now is famous: “Homophobia is the fear of being treated by other men the way that you treat women”. It makes me think of the people who say they’re not homophobic but they deserve not to have homosexuality foisted upon them by being hit on by gay people. I get wolf-whistled at and honked at by passing cars (with the latter I assumed it was a kind soul alerting me to a problem with my attire; then I would discover that my skirt was never tucked into my underpants and someone has just made an obtrusively unpleasantly loud noise while driving past me very fast and gah), and I do not much care for either. I should like to be able to claim homosexuality and reply that in which case I deserve not to have heterosexuality foisted upon me by loud noises in passing vehicles. But I would wager that for some very logical reason I do not have that right.

I had never thought seriously about the thought process that leads one to tout so-called gay cures, because it is nutty nutty nutty. I had not, for example, thought about how it is inherently sexist. A common cure is to basically peel away your offensive fag trappings and don the garb and mannerisms of a good wholesome heterosexual citizen. “Healthy man love” I heard in another documentary, which sounds powerfully erotic. Essentially, you are ordered to put on baggy t-shirts, trainers and baseballs caps while talking about tits and chugging beer. If you’re a man. I think if you’re a woman they make you bake cookies and simper at men (to be fair I am good at both those things. I’m also quite good at chugging beer and talking about tits). This was disturbing, but not quite as disturbing as the nice church-going American teens spouting some of the most hateful nonsense you’ve ever heard as politely and pleasantly as they know how (seriously), or the aversion therapy which was prescribed on the NHS in the 1970s, wherein you are given a drug that makes you violently ill and you are left to vomit onto the floor in front of you while listening to a recording about what a terrible disgusting person you are.

Having heard what the “gay therapists” have to say, I can now say that they are much, much nuttier than I had anticipated.

Pacific Rim makes me very happy

Finally got around to seeing Pacific Rim. It was really refreshing. I was actually invested in the action sequences, which hasn’t happened to me in a while. Action sequences are more impressive than they have ever been and should be really exciting but I end up bored and praying for them to end. But in Pacific Rim it feels like there’s actual stakes, and you care about what’s happening, and even though the level of destruction is pretty epic it feels appropriate and there’s little touches that show that the chaps all care about their job of defending the cities, and there’s actual weight to the physics and it’s really exciting when a giant robot punches the space dinosaur! Most of my entertainment came from the armour the jaeger pilots wear is virtually identical to the armour in Mass Effect. And actually all of the apocalypse weary put me very much in mind of Mass Effect 2 and 3. There’s a couple of Serbian pilots (and now I look them up, their names are Kaidanovsky… Coincidence?), who pilot a big heavy-hitting brute of a jaeger, and the chap particularly looks like he could be a krogan. It did also, through happy coincidence of art design, allow me to a version of ManShep I could get on board with — Idris Elba as Commander Shepard. ‘Twould be awesome to be sure. I assume that they knew what they were doing with the armour design because of course GLaDOS is in the film.
In the meanwhile I have been continuing with the 365 doodle. So some catch-up…

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